Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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