i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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