I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
