his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
