Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
