Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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