Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So here I am, sexting at work.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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