cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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