Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
