What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
