I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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