did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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