there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize