I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's never too late to be topless.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
