there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
