I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize