i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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