Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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