the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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