Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
