nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
