The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize