And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
