Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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