Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
