Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize