I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
