you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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