I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
