You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
