I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
