So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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