Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
