The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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