i was born a porn star she said
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize