he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
