Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
