Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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