I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
