I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
