someone threw a dead crab at me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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