who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
