Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
