Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
