The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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