And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
