If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
