he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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