Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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