If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
