its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just sent this text using only my big toe
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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