They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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