i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
