I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
