Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
