Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
