chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
