my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
