apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
