i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
