I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
