So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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