I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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