ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
