i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
