I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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