Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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